This episode takes place in the future, November 27, 2008, to be exact. Boring the Girl is dating Aaron the artistic bigamist and D-Sack is looking for Jenny. Little Jenny Humphrey hasn’t been home for ten days! D-Sack runs into Nate on the street and Nate points out that it’s been awhile. “Yeah, not long enough,” said D-Sack, so witty, that one. Nate then runs into Perfection on the same street. And Perfection reveals that he has been reading my blog when he tells Nate he heard he had been “slumming”; meaning living in BK. Same birthday and now he reads my blog. This has been the best week ever!
Nessa and D-Sack are at the Hump House and D-Sack invites her to Thanksgiving. She says she’s not ready to see Jenny yet. Nessa, please, you don’t matter! She’s referring to Jenny “stealing” her man, Nate Archibald. Um, Jenny didn’t steal him, Loch Ness, you drove him away when you RUINED EVERYTHING!! (see blog entry titled “The ‘Real’ Serena: That’s Not Real to Me).
Lily and Bart arrive home after a long vacation to find that Little J has been squatting at the House of Bass. Lily calls RuRu to tell him. You totally know Lily was thinking, “OMG, RuRu’s daughter ran away to my house. I’m so getting a piece from him tonight!”
Nate’s Puritan-looking mother has a Thanksgiving miracle/surprise for him, the Captain is back! And Nate’s not so sure about it. The man who caused our world economic crisis wants to take Nate and his mom to the Dominican Republic. Just like that, and he can’t see why Nate is hesitant. The Captain tells Nate and the Puritan that if they go, surely her parents will help them out.
Eric is surprised to find that Lily and Bart are home early. He tells Jenny to stay away for a while. Bart happily informs Eric that his boyfriend, Jonathan, is cheating on him. Perfection reminds Eric that all the Basses have PIs on retainer, where have you been, stepbrother?
Aaron is spending Thanksgiving with BtG. He tells her he’s a sober-one-boring-girl-guy now. BtG looks totally freaked out by this announcement, like she’s never heard of sobriety. And Yale is fast-tracking her? Idiots! My hatred for him is growing exponentially as is his ugliness. He looks like he’s a perpetrator from an Unsolved Mysteries re-enactment. He’s the guy lurking around the corner waiting to throw someone in his kidnap van. Who casts this show? Seriously!
Blair is pissed because her favorite holiday is being ruined by Inconceivable and his restaurant Thanksgiving?! That’s what I’m doing, Blair, and it’s gonna be awesome! The Clone of Rosario rubs a little salt into the wound when she shows B the engagement ring Cyrus was going to give Elle.
Lily gives Jenny a heart to heart about family and love and being married to Dick Cheney. Okay, she doesn’t bring up her douche of a husband, but I’m sure Lily thinks it’s a treat to get to sing RuRu’s praises because she LOVES him. Jenny thanks her for getting off talking about her dad and then goes to bed. Since she’s about as smart as BtG, she leaves her emancipation papers in plain view and Lily finds them. Again, Lily is about to explode because she totally has to call RuRu about this one.
RuRu and D-Sack run into Aaron the Big ‘Ole Ugly at the grocery store. D-Sack asks the BOU to say hello to the VD-Woodsens, ‘cause, um, he knows them, yeah, he does, and as a matter of fact he spent Thanksgiving with them last year, so um, the BOU hasn’t got shit on him…and BtG is complicated. The BOU doesn’t think BtG is complicated and when D-Sack suggests bringing her a bottle of wine, BOU informs him that BtG doesn’t drink. If D-Sack had been drinking something he would’ve sprayed it in the BOU’s face. He should’ve said, “I bet she told you she’s smart too, huh? You’re in for a real treat come Christmastime.” D-Sack then tells BOU to ask BtG about Georgina!
B confronts Elle about the big surprise that’s coming at dinner and Elle doesn’t know what she’s talking about. I’m growing tired of this Waldorf-Inconceivable storyline. We get it, Blair doesn’t like her mom’s boyfriend. She will continue to try and sabotage him and he will continue to try to win B over. I think I’ll just write that from now on. My suggestion, bring back the seating chart!
Nate goes to RuRu’s gallery to return some CDs he borrowed and he runs into Loch Ness. Nate goes on about how’s he’s alienated just about everyone he knows. Nessa is all snooty about the Jenny thing. Let it go, NESSA! You never had Nate in the first place. Nate informs her that he hasn’t spoken to Jenny in weeks. As they’re parting ways Nate tells Nessa to take care of herself, I’ll say!
Back at the House of Bass BtG begs Perfection not to mention her slut/drunk past in front of the Big ‘Ole Ugly. Perf gives her his word and then adds, “whatever that’s worth”. I love him so much. The BOU finally arrives and asks BtG about this “Georgina” girl and she goes off on how D-Sack is obsessed and crazy, pot meet kettle.
Lily “reluctantly” calls RuRu about Jenny’s emancipation papers and tells him get the hell over to her house because she is hot, I mean, serious. RuRu and D-Sack run out on Nessa leaving her alone on Thanksgiving. As she stands alone on the street she is approached by an FBI agent.
Perfection shows Eric a safe with gold bars in it and files on all VD-Woodsens. Nessa calls Perf to get help for Nate. He says he doesn’t care but decides to slum it on Thanksgiving.
Eric finds a ton of stuff Stepfather Cheney has found on him, emails, phone calls, where he goes when he leaves the house, you name it. RuRu and D-Sack show up at the Bass House. The Big ‘Ole Ugly calls him out on lying, and though he didn’t, D-Sack apologizes. After excusing herself and D-Sack, BtG informs him that the BOU knows nothing about her past.
Nessa, an FBI agent and Perfection hold an intervention for Nate to tell him that his dad came back to commit extortion and kidnapping. The Captain plans to pretty much hold Nate and Mother Puritan for ransom hoping that her Vanderbilt parents will pay big bucks to get them back. If Nate turns his father in, all is good. As if Perfection would ever agree to a sit down with a Fed. I’m sure they’re investigating him for something
RuRu and Carol Brady (well, you should see Jenny’s hair in this episode) talk and he says he loves her, but can’t hold her back. She leaves anyway and he looks defeated. Lily confronts Dick Cheney-Bass about their files. She’s pissed that he followed her kids, not that he followed her, but that he followed her kids.
Nate goes to confront his father about his little kidnapping scheme. The Captain admits it but says some of the money would’ve been for Nate and his mom, well in that case. Nate tells him he has to turn himself in because Nate’s had enough. This totally reminds me of that episode of Dawson’s Creek where Joey Potter wears a wire and gets her deadbeat dad to admit to cocaine trafficking. I was so waiting for Nate to lift up his shirt to reveal a wire, but they didn’t go the Dawson’s route, should’ve. Or what would’ve been even better, after the Captain confesses to his crimes, Perfection steps out of a back room and tears off his shirt to reveal a wire. That’s Emmy winning material right there. The Feds arrive and take Mr. Archibald away. But the stock market is still dropping…I thought this would solve everything.
Eric confesses to Lily that he read her file. Apparently, she was institutionalized when she was around Eric’s age. He says he’s not mad, but that he’d like to talk to her about it when she’s ready. She asks how he got to be so mature. He tells her he had a good nanny. Oh snap! This kid is witty and hits below the belt, why don’t they make his part bigger? I also think they should play up his Max Fischer/Dirk from Rushmore relationship with Perfection. It seems like it could go that way, but it’s just not getting there fast enough. Lily suggests they leave the diner they’re at and have a real Thanksgiving.
BtG goes to B’s house to give the BOU her file to read. By the way, the BOU is Inconceivable’s son. B isn’t there, she went to go pout with Rosario 2.0. In the end the BOU refuses to read the file. He'll regret that one later after she kills him!
Carol Brady is wandering in the cold when she runs into B and Rosie. B tells her that RuRu is awesome and really loves her. Elle gives in to B and comes to find her. B says she’ll only go home if Jenny does too. Elle must’ve gotten so much satisfaction from seeing the girl who quit her wandering the streets.
Nessa and Perf go to see if Nate is okay. Perf gives Nate and Nessa some time alone. Nate says he hasn’t heard from Jenny in weeks, it meant nothing. Perfection was probably standing on the sidelines thinking, “You mean Nessa means nothing.” Then Perf and Nate go drinking in the limo and all is well.
Nessa shows up to the Hump House and Eric and Lily are there, sans Bart. Little Carol Brady rips up the e-papers and the Humps hug. It’s sweet. And Jenny is no longer a designer, at least that’s the conclusion I think we’re supposed to come to because Jenny is no longer wearing any eyeliner. Nessa and J have a heart to heart about Nate. Stupid Nessa, this conversation isn’t even necessary! No one in this little threesome was ever really together, high schoolers. J says she hasn’t heard from him in weeks. While they’re making dinner Nessa sees an old letter Nate sent Jenny (she has a stack of unread mail since she was gone so long). Nessa steals it and reads it. In the letter Nate tells Jenny that he really cares about her and he just wanted her to know that. Bitch! This is a perfect example of how Loch Ness and D-Sack work. They think they’re doing God’s work in every single thing they do. Then when it comes time to do the right thing they justify doing the opposite because they do good things all the time. I’m sure while Nessa was betraying her friend she was totally thinking, “I tried to save a dive bar in BK, I’m allowed a felony here and there.”
The episode ends with Dick Cheney-Bass calling his private eye to ask specifically why Lily was locked up all those years ago. So you’re telling me his PI told him his wife was institutionalized and he never bothered to ask why until now? Perfection is the only logical, sane guy on this show.
In the scenes for next week we hear the words, “There’s been an accident…” Please let it be the Big ‘ole Ugly, please! I can’t take him anymore. BtG probably kills him with Georgina's tainted coke!!! Okay, that's my official prediction. He should've read her file.
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